


A New Voice

by KorruptBrekker



Series: Whispers of Apophis [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Mind Manipulation, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29478465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KorruptBrekker/pseuds/KorruptBrekker
Summary: That was another thing that was different about his other voices. He could have a conversation with Apophis. He wasn’t just a fleeting thought, he was a constant presence. And Roman loved it. He felt loved,trulyloved. He should have known that Apophis wasn’t all he appeared to be. But Roman was blinded by the silver tongue of the voice, and allowed himself to be wrapped in its warm embrace of words.
Series: Whispers of Apophis [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165253
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	A New Voice

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [voices](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29134974) by [amybri2002](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002). 



> **_Please_ heed the tags. If I've missed anything, let me know. This story isn't lighthearted, be warned.**

Dear reader, before we begin, I must ask you to take a look inside your mind for a moment. This is a story about voices, and I would like you to take a moment to recognize yours. In the forefront of your mind, you have your own voice. But other voices have taken to living within the confines of your mind as well. The voice of your primary guardian, that instilled morals in you. The voices of past or present teachers, pushing you to learn and do well. The voices of chaotic compatriots, urging you to do that crazy idea that you just thought of.

Everyone has people who have influenced them, and thus, has voices in their head. And now that you are aware of the voices that reside within yours, let’s turn to Roman Moreno.

Roman Moreno’s mind has never been silent. It was filled to the brim, buzzing with voices. The comforting words of his mothers, whispering to him just before bed. The deranged thoughts and ideas of his brother. The purrs of an ex lover that he longed to banish from his mind. The taunts of villains that still somehow seemed to pierce his armour.

His collection of voices began with Ma and Mami. 

_The day before preschool both his moms sat him on his bed, each wearing a smile that didn’t seem quite right. They looked both excited and sad at the same time, and Roman wasn’t quite sure why._

_“Mijo,” Mami began, brushing a lock of black hair from his eyes. “Listen closely. You won’t see us as often as before.”_

_“¿Por qué?” Roman asked warily._

_“You’ll be going to school, darling. And as much as we’d love to, we can’t come with you.” Ma explained. “But we need you to understand that even when we’re not right next to you, we’re still with you.”_

_“How?”_

_“We’re here,” Mami said, tapping his heart, “and here.” She tapped his head. “As long as you think of us and remember us, we will always be with you, no matter where we are.”_

_“And once you see us again, you can tell us all about the adventures you had.” Ma ruffled his hair and Roman giggled. “All the great monsters and super villains you defeated.”_

_Roman beamed, then paused. “Well, if you’re in my head, can’ I just think it an’ you’ll know?”_

_Ma laughed, placing a hand on Roman’s shoulder. “Oh, sweetheart. Yes and no. A piece of our spirit is in your head. So our soul will know, but our brain won’t. You’ll just have to catch our brains up on what they missed.”_

_Roman nodded. “Okay.”_

And so, little Roman’s mind now had three voices taking up residence. He quickly grew accustomed to his mothers’ voices, and soon dubbed them the voices of reason. They always kept him out of trouble. That was, until Remus came along. 

In the beginning, Roman didn’t want a brother. When he found out that they’d be the same age, he was a little less apprehensive, but he was still firm in his standing. That, and he didn’t want Ma and Mami’s love to all go towards Remus. He didn’t want to be forgotten and pushed to the wayside. And so he fought and kicked and did as much as he could to prevent his moms from adopting Remus.

And when they _did_ adopt him, Roman made it his job to make Remus’s life a living hell. Maybe, if he hated it there, he would just go back to where he came from. And so, during the first year of Remus’s life in the Moreno household, the two brothers fought _constantly._ Neither parent had any idea how to stop the bickering, and though they tried, it was largely unsuccessful. But all things change, and sometimes they change for the better.

_Roman stumbled upon his brother drawing. He was laying on his stomach, crayons and coloured pencils splayed out on the carpet around him, and(in Roman’s opinion) an absolute mess of a drawing in front of him._

_“What on_ Earth _is_ that? _” Roman shot as he spotted the insane mix of black and green and red on the page._

 _“That’s Mrs. Choley as a tentacle monster with fangs and 50 eyes. That’s the school blown up by a bomb, that’s me as a_ bigger _tentacle monster with fangs, and that’s you helping me kill her. Oh, and all that’s blood. A ton of kids died in the explosion.”_

 _Roman was utterly speechless as Remus told him all about his drawing, all while smiling a little too wide in Roman’s opinion. But he couldn’t help but smile a bit in return. Mrs. Choley was_ definitely _a villain in disguise. No normal fifth grade teacher would ever give_ that much _homework. And even after all of Roman’s nonstop bullying and fighting, Remus still drew them side by side._

_“Here.” Remus thrust the drawing at Roman, happy to finally see him smile. “You can have it. I’ll just make another one.”_

_Roman’s eyes widened as he delicately took the picture. “Really? Like,_ seriously really? _”_

_“Seriously really.” Remus grinned._

And thus marked the entrance of a new voice into young Roman’s head. Remus’s voice directly opposed his mother’s voices, instead willing all of the insane and chaotically creative ideas Roman thought of to be made real. Roman rarely did what Remus’s voice commanded, but he did enjoy daydreaming about what would happen if a sudden glitter bomb dropped on the school and turned everyone he didn’t like into little mice.

Elementary shifted to middle school, and with middle school came judgement. Roman became all the more aware of the thoughts and feelings of his peers, and jumped to please. He was loud and excitable, and had fallen in love with theatre just a few months before. And that got him shoved into a box. 

A reminder, dear reader, and not all the voices in one’s head are kind and benevolent. Some of them eat away at our confidence, tear us down bit by bit. They are not all loving and caring, and Roman is about to learn just that.

_Roman was walking down the hallway, his red and gold skirt swishing around his knees. He tried to hold his head high, but all the looks that he got were searing into his skin like_ Protector _’s lazer eyes. He’d gotten halfway to class when the whispers started._

“Why’s he wearing girls clothes?”

“He looks so gay.”

“I liked him better without the skirt.”

“Next thing you know he’ll start wearing makeup.”

_Roman sat down hard in his chair, trying not to cry. He liked how he looked in his skirt. No one even had the guts to approach him. They just sat and gossipped with their friends, like Roman was nothing more than a TV show--something to talk about, but never something to interact with._

_Roman didn’t wear a skirt again for the rest of middle school._

Now Roman’s brain was getting crowded. On top of the loud(but comfortingly so) voices of his family, now he had all the whispers of his peers taking root. Roman wanted so badly to rip them up and stomp them out, but he had no idea how. And so the thoughts festered and grew. They ate away at Roman’s self worth and confidence, whittling him away. He learned to put on a mask. He learned to tell everyone he was okay, even Ma and Mami. He didn’t want to worry them. The only person who really knew what was going on with Remus, and Roman made him swear not to tell a soul. Remus begrudgingly agreed, but firmly told Roman that if he went off the deep end, Ma and Mami would be the first to know.

Roman didn’t have the heart to deny him.

As Remus predicted, things began to get out of hand. Roman no longer talked, he no longer sang. He just sat in his room, wasting away. His eyes were dull and his words were flat. He’d lost the magic he’d entered middle school with. And so Remus ran to his mothers. He told them everything. 

There began the long process of building Roman up again. His mothers worked overtime, calling the school, talking with Roman, signing him up for therapy(with his consent). At school Remus stayed by his side always, hissing and glaring at anyone who deigned to look at his brother. At home Roman’s mothers stayed with him, they listened to him, and they told him how wrong his fellow students were. They showered Roman with love and warmth and acceptance, and when he came out to them, they showered him in even more. 

Soon enough, he was back to his old self. He still had the scars of whispers across his mind, but they no longer cut deep. They were nuisances at worst. Roman went into high school ready to live life to the fullest, and to _be himself_ while doing it.

And then he met Remington Star.

Remy was perfect in Roman’s eyes. He was king of the popular clique, even as an openly gay kid, and was absolutely _loaded._ And somehow, by some _miracle,_ he noticed Roman. He invited him into the clique, and the two became fast friends. They were equally loud and excitable, and Remy’s _fuck everything_ attitude bled into Roman and gave him a newfound confidence.

Most called Roman egotistical. They called him elitist and cruel and utterly unforgivable. _Remy called him beautiful._ All of the insults and glares thrown at him by his peers were all washed away by Remy’s praise.

As I mentioned before, not all voices are benevolent. But not all are as obvious as cruel comments. Some slip into your mind like a mist, settling over your thoughts and dampening the other voices. They drown out even your own, until all you can hear is them. Sometimes you can catch these voices before they take hold of you. But sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you fall prey to their sweet words and enchanting promises. And by then, you don’t know what they’ve done to you until it’s too late.

_Roman sat curled against Remy’s side, vaguely listening to the movie that was playing on the TV in front of them. Thoughts of family plagued his mind. He was a junior in high school, and though he and Remy were king and queen of the school, he couldn’t help but ache at what it cost him._

_Remus, who he was once so close with, had become distant. In the early days of popularity, he’d tried to tell Roman it was a bad idea. He’d tried to tell Roman that Remy was bad news. Roman had just told Remus he was jealous and had left the house in a storm of frustration and hurt. Remy was there when Roman called._

_Next was Ma and Mami. Apparently Remus told them about his suspicions about Remy. Ma and Mami sat Roman down at the dinner table and began to talk about toxic and abusive relationships. Roman had yelled at his moms, claiming that they knew nothing about his and Remy’s relationship and had run out the front door. Remy was there when Roman called._

_The more popular he got, the more people he lost. Remy claimed he knew best, since he’d been ruling the school long before he’d picked up Roman. Roman trusted him. And so he watched, as they rose higher and higher, were more and more feared, and how Roman progressively lost more and more friends._

_Gone was his brother, for Roman refused to listen to his warnings. Gone were his parents, for they had sided with his brother. Gone were his friends, for they were no longer good enough for the likes of him._

_Remy was all he had._

_A nudge brought him out of his thoughts._

_“What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Asked Remy, tipping up his sunglasses to rest in his hair--something he only did for Roman._

_Roman shook his head. “I don’t know. I.. I thought this was a good idea. But.. but maybe Ma and Mami were right.. Maybe I shouldn’t hang around you anymore…”_

_“Oh darling,” Remy purred, carding nimble fingers through Roman’s wavy hair. “If you leave me, what else do you have? None of your family supports you, and all of your previous friends aren’t worth your time. Sweetheart, I’m all you have left. No one will understand you the way I do. I’m just protecting you, baby. They don’t understand like I do. They don’t love you like I do.”_

_Roman stayed silent, the words seeping in through the cracks in his addled mind._

_“You’d have nothing without me. But it’s alright, I’ll protect you. Just trust me. I know what’s best for you.”_

_Something about those words felt wrong. Something felt off about them. But Remy was right, wasn’t he? He had no one left. No one except Remy. And Remy loved him, didn’t he? If he loved Roman, then of course he cared about him. Maybe Roman wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe he was too caught up on what he’d lost to focus on what he had._

_But Remy was unbiased. All of this wasn’t happening to him. He had a clearer view of the situation. So maybe he did know better. Maybe Roman should trust him. He curled back into Remy’s side, ignoring the aching feeling that persisted. Remy knew best in this situation. Roman would trust him to handle everything._

It took Roman years to break free from Remy’s clutches. It took him facing his greatest fears. It took him losing everything and coming back to the ruins he’d left in his wake. But he did it. He screamed and clawed and fought his way to the surface and out of the mist that clouded his mind.

And when he emerged, his family was waiting for him. His moms wrapped him in their warm embraces, promising to never let go. Roman promised in return that he would be smarter next time. He agreed, once again, to go to therapy.

Years continued to pass, and as he mended the lacerations Remy had cut into his thoughts, Roman and Remus began to grow closer once more. They weren’t as close as they used to be, but they were still close, and Roman was still grateful. He cherished the moments he had with his brother, bathed in the feeling of chaotic whimsy every time one of them brought their ideas to life and showed the other.

Roman went to college. He’d failed to get into an Arts college, but still got to major in Theatre. He’d fallen in love with it in middle school and had never grown out of the love. There was a wonderful theatre in the city, and Roman couldn’t help but go to shows every two weeks. Every time he went, he’d imagine himself on the stage, singing and acting his heart out. It was a dream come true.

But college didn’t fit with his focus and motivation challenges, and so he dropped out within the year, but made some close friends when he was there. He still kept in touch, taking time out of each week to meet up with Patton, Logan, and Virgil. He slipped into their group like the final piece of a puzzle, and loved every second he spent with them.

After he’d dropped out of college, he decided to try something new. He’d always wanted to be a hero, and was one of the lucky few who had the powers to do it. During his high school years he hid away his strength per Remy’s request, but now that he was his own person once again, he decided to pursue the dream. With the help of his friends he made himself a costume. A few months ago he had revealed his powers to them, and all of them were utterly supportive of him becoming a hero, if not a little concerned.

His family, on the other hand, knew nothing about his heroic escapades. Not even his brother. He knew they would worry too much for him, and so he kept it under wraps. It hurt to constantly lie to his family, but he knew it was for the best. And his friends knew, so at least he had someone to talk to about his adventures and battles.

But even with the comfort of his friends knowing, he still felt lonely. The city rested upon Roman shoulders, and that burden was a solitary one. And so he called upon a skill he’d learned and honed in childhood. He put up a mask. Both during hero work and with friends and family. With his loved ones, he claimed he was always satisfied, he was always excited. He raved about his latest fight, playing it up for his friends. He hijacked stories Virgil, Patton, and Logan told him about school, telling them as if he was still in college for his family.

The lies began to eat away at him, though he refused to let them do so. He tried to convince himself he was happy, he was satisfied, that he _loved_ his career. After all, he’d been dreaming of this since he was a child. Hadn’t he?

He’d dreamt of being a hero. Playing a prince on stage and saving a maiden or bachelor from an evil force keeping them apart. And that’s what he did. He wasn’t on stage, but he was a hero. He saved people all the time, and he was literally known as the _Prince._ He’d gotten what he’d wanted. He was living out his dream, but better. Because it was _real._ He wasn’t playing a character, he was _truly_ making a difference. And yet somehow, it didn’t feel the same. Roman still got a rush from saving citizens and defeating villains in battle, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as the fleeting years he was on stage in middle school and college.

And then came Apophis. Roman, at this time, was well accustomed to voices in his head. By now, Patton, Logan, and Virgil had taken up residence in his mind, working with the voices of his family to ensure he kept himself alive and in good health. They protected him against the whispers of Remy’s words, assuring him that Roman was better off without him. And so, when a new voice joined the roster, he didn’t bat an eyelash. After all, he fought villains weekly, and was used to their taunts taking up space for a week or so before fading away.

Roman should have known by name alone, that Apophis wasn’t all he seemed to be. Apoppis was the name of the Great Serpent of Ancient Egyptian mythology. Each night it would try and eat the sun, attempting to plunge the world into darkness and return everything to its original state. The fact that the voice chose this name to go by should have alerted Roman that something was wrong. But it didn’t.

The voice felt so real. It felt like a friend. And it was there during his battles, it watched all of what he went through as a hero. It stood by him, whispering encouragement in his mind whenever he faltered in battle. It never judged him if he slipped up or if things didn’t go according to plan. It stayed with him, caring for him unconditionally.

Roman knew his friends and family loved him unconditionally, but it was different with Apophis. He saw _everything_ that Roman did and _still_ cared for him. And so Roman welcomed in the voice. It coiled up in the back of his mind, making itself at home in his thoughts. It was a comfort, knowing that Roman always had someone to talk to, no matter what.

That was another thing that was different about his other voices. He could have a conversation with Apophis. He wasn’t just a fleeting thought, he was a constant presence. And Roman loved it. He felt loved, _truly_ loved. He should have known that Apophis wasn’t all he appeared to be. But Roman was blinded by the silver tongue of the voice, and allowed himself to be wrapped in its warm embrace of words.

He should have known that something so wonderful had a price higher than he was willing to pay.

* * *

Roman stumbled into his room, throwing his backpack with his costume into a corner. He collapsed on the bed, his muscles aching and screaming from use, his head throbbing. The cuts and bruises on his body had healed, but though his healing was faster than the average human’s, it still wasn’t fast enough to leave him without pain for the next couple days.

At least his ribs weren’t broken anymore. In the middle of the fight he’d been thrown into a building, shattering a good amount of his ribcage. His bones were no longer broken, though they were just barely mended, and still bruised to all hell. He’d barely had enough breath to make his usual speech to the press before leaving in a rush, eager to get back home and sleep off most of the damage he’d acquired. 

As usual, Apophis slipped to the forefront of his mind, tone dipped in concern. “Are you alright, Roman?”

Roman smiled. Apophis(or Phis as Roman had nicknamed him) always asked if he was alright after battles. He was always worried about him, and always did as much as he could to make sure Roman felt better. It made Roman’s heart sing. It filled his chest with so much warmth to know that he was loved.

“I’m alright.” Roman said, waving him off with a brittle smile. Maybe if he lied to himself enough he’d believe it.

“You’re not happy.” Phis said.

It wasn’t a question.

“No, I’m perfectly-”

“I know when you’re lying, Ro.” He sighed. Apophis sounded hurt. Roman knew that he hated when Roman lied to himself, but continued to do so anyway. Maybe if he told himself he was happy enough times it would actually be true.

Roman shut his eyes. “Just.. just drop it. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Roman.” Apophis pleaded, voice softening. “Please. I don’t want you lying to yourself; it isn’t healthy. Be honest. Once you are, you can start to recover and grow. All I ask is to be honest in this moment. We can talk more about the topic later. Just please, admit the truth and I’ll drop it for now.”

The room was silent. Roman’s heart twisted. He hated making Phis sad, but he also knew that he was right. And so he took a deep breath, wincing as his ribs twinged, and spoke the words he’d been avoiding speaking for years. “I.. I’m not happy.”

“Oh, Ro. I know.” Roman imagined Apophis carding his hands through his hair. “I’m so proud of you for admitting it. You did well. Just know you don’t have to be happy all the time. I’m here no matter what you feel. I’ll never leave, no matter how bad you’re feeling.”

Roman smiled, heart warming at the praise and acceptance. If he could hug Phis he definitely would. Instead, he let his genuine smile and whisper of thanks be enough.

“It’s my pleasure, Ro. Now get some sleep. You’ve had a long day and those injuries need to heal.”

Roman nodded, sluggishly pushing himself up from the bed, hissing in a breath as bolts of pain shot through his ribs. He trudged to the bathroom and eyed the shower. He’d take one in the morning when he had more energy. Roman reached for his toothbrush, gazing unseeingly into the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He nearly jumped as his reflection flickered in the mirror--a quick flash of yellow and green. He shook his head, washing his face after he finished brushing his teeth.

That battle must have taken more out of him than he thought. He was so tired he was seeing things. He shook his head once more, dragging his body back to his bed, and delicately pulling the covers over himself. As Apophis said, sleep would do him good. He closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the image he’d seen flash before him in the mirror. He’d talk to Apophis about it in the morning.


End file.
